My ideals were ideas that made my heart throb, not beat. The ache did not have a real answer, for the “answer” kept himself elusive. The reaching for “him” overtook the reaching inward. The next “he” became a mark for my parts to aim for, no matter how much he bobbed and weaved, or fully ran. Then there were those who wanted to be the sacred ache’s “answer”, but fell short of the calling, for they could barely answer their own. Then I became the one who bobbed and weaved as t

It is the Christmas season once again. It can feel relentless in its energies of giving and getting, buying and selling, family obligations, holiday parties, and traditional food, whatever any of that may mean to you or to parts of you. Memories of love and loss come forward, childhood joy and sorrow, and an ingrained sense of what this time of year has meant to parts of you, for better or worse. It is also a time when there is genuine joy and love abounding, when Christ Cons

As the inner feminine and masculine come into deeper relationship, something begins to shift in your field. The longing that once reached outward for completion begins turning inward for communion. The ache that once searched for a rescuer or a mirror begins rooting into your own heart.

Across the ancient world and in many timelines, the sacred marriage, or the ‘hieros gamos’ as it was called in Ancient Greece, served as a ritualized reminder that creation itself is born from the dance of opposites.

We come now to the final part of this series, released as the wheel of the year turns toward Samhain. The following is a transmission of Dark Mother’s energies… the core of the re-coding I’ve been offering these last few weeks. 💜 ⸻ I see Her. She is cloaked, yet Her hood is sliding down. She invites you to know Her better, beyond the victimhood narratives  and goddess war stories. Beyond the need for enemies. She has been called “Destroyer,” but what She truly offers  is so

She’s held me as I sobbed. Let me rage without judgment. Stayed when everything burned down. And helped me rise again. This is what it means to know the Dark Mother. And this is my story. 🕯 ⸻ In my own soul’s experience, Dark Mother is the death knell and the birthing pool. She heralds both endings and new beginnings. She invites us beyond victimhood and into our empowerment, always guiding us into our raw vulnerability and our deepest truths. So many times, She’s woken me u

Over the years, Kasha and I have learned that sisterhood isn’t always soft or effortless, yet it’s also not always challenging and tense either. It can be one of the most revealing mirrors of both your shadow and your light and an opportunity to explore the full spectrum of what it means to be a woman. The two of us have known each other for over a decade, but the last four years here in Portugal have deepened something profound between us, a remembrance that feels like a leg

Your steps fall softly upon the dense forest floor. One foot in front of the other, steady and deliberate, ensuring your forward momentum. Light trickles through the canopy in golden ribbons while the air hums with memory. The ground is damp beneath your feet, and though you don’t know exactly where you are going, something in you keeps moving. Finally, you reach a river. The sound of the current grows louder with each step closer. There is a tightness in your chest that feel

This second part of this Dark Mother series takes us into the poetic truth of darkness, which is not punishment or absence of anything,...

As October opens, the veils begin to thin… and She approaches. This is the beginning of a devotional series I’ve written for Her, the...

Many of us carry a deep, often unconscious conditioning around intimacy and vulnerability. There’s a feeling that even the slightest...

Self protection is an inevitable part of living in this 3D reality. It allows the most precious parts of us to survive through both...

And now, a new wave rises, not in opposition but in expansion of these streams. It is the wave of emotional maturity and individuation, where the inner landscape of parts, wounds, and soul aspects becomes the ground of awakening.

𝑩𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅, 𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒍𝒆, 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒔𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅. For here there is nothing to fight,...

The fires moving through Portugal and Spain right now don’t feel random, accidental or even 'wild'/natural to those of us awakening. Beyond the surface causes, they seem connected to deeper 3D/4D Matrix agendas that seek to fracture and destabilize the land here.

Being in the heart of intimacy with another soul or group of resonant souls where you truly feel seen and known, all parts of you, THIS is so scary to protective parts. I feel and have seen over and over through the years that nothing is scarier than truly being real, intimate, vulnerable, current, dropping strategies/presentations/masks with yourself, with others AND with the Divine.

Celebrating another anniversary today...it was nine years ago that I officially changed my name on FB to "Jelelle Awen" and began going by it in my service and sharing offerings as well here.

Four years ago, we arrived here in Portugal with very little sense of how it would be here or even much orientation to this country at all before then. We had received guidance in April, 2021 that it was time to move on

Steady and warm, my sweet sacred masculine cat Oren lay in my lap this morning as I entered into Divine Father’s field. It’s like he knew...

In this recent cycle of intense initiation offered through being in relationships, their deepenings or completions and digestion along the way......I’ve been feeling deeply into the terrain of spiritual distortion and authentic embodiment, where soul gifts can easily be hijacked by parts still operating from trauma, unmet needs, or subtle strategies for survival.